It is just over a year since mum passed, I am still grieving. (Actually maybe not fully come to terms with the fact that mum will not come back through the front door.)
It`s these Winter days that best sum up how I feel……
Some days are the Winter day 1 (that comes in sad black) –
I am Winter, dormant. No early signs of Spring.
The Winter day that upon daylight a white blanket as settled, – A white out and stuck inside till the thaw melts away the frozen tears. A bitter chill of a world I do not want to battle today….. hibernation is my answer, forced back under, earths blanket too heavy to lift this day. Grey fills the skies and comes inside too…….
Other days are the Winter day 2 (that comes in hope of white) –
Those Winter days that feels Spring as sprung……
The heavens roll in blue and the sun stays out, gives a welcoming hug (in the right spot), the birds are out and sing a fine tune and flowers too pop-up – clumps of snowdrops, a early daffodil, primroses in the garden or branches of blossom…. pastel patches of colour lift the heart and keep a hold of the smile…..
Like each Winters day, I too do not know what I will be tackling till I leave the darkness, brave the awaking, the forced emerging, the window opened and the light I let come in…..
Perhaps a daffodil also,
Perhaps she will flower or perhaps she will not bloom this year…..?
– half a inch or so pushed up through the earth, a glimmer of hope……
Time allows each daffodil her own pace to flourish slowly or fast, each getting to bloom on own terms, when she feels ready. No pressure, just the joy of Springs flower – come late Winter or Late Spring, still blooming in that happy colour of sunshine.
– With a message Winter is fading, Spring is here……. maybe……?
In time I hope for my Winter to fade and my Spring to come and greet…..
(perhaps hanging around……)
I`ll cling to that daffodil – when Winter is gripping to tight to my heart, yet not wanting to fade away…..
And that delicate snowdrop too – who braves the freeze, mother cannot stop her heart beating.
Whilst this freeze of mine almost stops my heart beating and mother can not help, I`ll be brave on my own when skies of grey roll in…..
And the dots of pink among the bare cherry branches – specks of heart-beats of hope…. life back again this year. Too my heart beats a little stronger when warmth brings a smile back on my face,